In yesterday’s post I spoke about the horses communicating to me and helping shed light on a long standing issue that has been oppressing me.
I wish I could say it all ended happily ever after. The End.
But life, at least my life, is seldom tied up in a neat little fairy tale bow.
About five days after my session with the horses at Wisdom Horse Coaching, I was presented with the opportunity to apply my new learning to a real life situation. I was able to utilize part of the teaching, but not all. My throat closed, just like it did in the pasture with the horses. I felt like I was having an out of body experience – I was observing the situation, I so desired to respond as my new self, yet I couldn’t bring myself to say what I needed to say, no matter how hard I tried. I proceeded to respond to this situation as my old self.
After this episode, I returned to the sanctity of my home where I flew into a rage. When I’ve come upon that phrase ‘flew into a rage’ in books, I’ve always assumed it was meant metaphorically. Not necessarily so. I literally exploded and flew into a rage. In my little more than half a century on Earth, I have only experienced such a deep, explosive anger one other time.
Things around the house began flying – I was actually throwing (and breaking) items around the house. My poor 4 legged family was shocked, astounded and fearful. Cats Billy and Raven scattered, and Mitzie headed to the safety of the studio. One dog, Teddy, had lived in an unstable environment before he came to join our family. The poor little guy mustered all his courage and watched me from the safety of another room. Now I can’t bear to think of the memories my rage must have brought back to him. My other dog Emmie, sweet, generous, loving and patient Emmie, stayed by my side during the frenzy, offering me her toy skunk from time to time. Emmie held the peace and harmony for the critters and the house during my rage.
Yes, I was angry about the situation, but the rage was decades old, and it was directed at a life belief that has kept me shackled for decades. As I said in yesterday’s post, I felt I was in the grip of a demon.
The rage didn’t dissipate, but lodged in my body. I have had crying fits, have been unable to eat or sleep, and have been physically ill. I have felt as if my digestive tract, the center of my body, is on fire.
I have made the conscious decision not to sweep the anger under the rug; not to give myself a figurative pat on the back and say everything will be OK. I have made the conscious decision to wrestle with the anger and live through the anger.
Come back tomorrow to find out why I decided to live with the anger and how this relates to my being an animal communicator.
Harmony,
Janet Roper
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Wouldn’t it be nice if this were a one-step process?
Actually, I believe the different stages are all amazing in their own ways. (as I’m typing this line, a crow calls from outside in the back yard – which I suspect says it better than I can!)
I’m eager to read more, and again, thank you for sharing all this. It is such a testament to the work you’re doing with animals, and in this case, the horses particularly.
Crow, thank you for your support. billie, thanks for bringing Crow into the conversation and thanks for your support.
Is there such a thing as a one-step process? Life is too full of twists and turns, and adventures.
The lessons in this experience are manifesting immediately and in many different ways. Tune in for the next ~ and hopefully final! ~ installment.
Harmony,
Janet