Animals form an important part of our lives, and can be an important part of our relationships. Now, more than ever, animals are often valued family members and are living longer than they have in the past.
But, with the Circle of Life, there comes a time when the animal dies and we (humans and possibly other animals) are left behind with our grief.
I was recently asked what to say to a person whose animal has passed on. That’s a very important and sensitive question. Here are some suggestions to keep in mind as you are talking with someone who has recently lost a beloved animal:
- Keep in mind that we all grieve in our own way: some people are stoic, some will be openly crying, others may be angry, or one person may go through different emotions at differing times. Let the person grieve in their own way, in their own time.
- Be there to support the person through what they are experiencing and let the person give you the clue on what he or she needs to hear and the type of support he or she needs from you. For instance, if he or she says something like, “It’s so lonely without Rover,” reflect that back: “You must be so lonesome without Rover” or “Rover added a lot to the household.” If he or she is crying, let them cry, maybe offering water or kleenex. However, be sensitive if you feel they are uncomfortable crying in front of you.
- You do not have the power to make this better for the grieving person. Each person experiences grief in their own way and their own time. Many times when we try to make a grieving person feel better, we are in actuality feeling uncomfortable ourselves and are unconsciously trying to make ourselves feel better.
Experiencing the death of a pet is difficult. Your presence alone will be a support and comfort to that person. You don’t have to make it better for them, just be with them.
Harmony,
Janet Roper
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
It is so true. Our presence alone makes a difference. One of my best friends lost her dog several months ago. She is still grieving and has not been able to get another dog. The dog was with her since a a puppy. Just thinking about losing my pets one day is an overwhelming emotion. Thanks for sharing this. Its always good to be reminded and not always an easy subject to talk about!
Thank you, Janet, for addressing this all-important issue. I am in total agreement of your wise suggestions and would add only this, an excerpt from my book, The Healing Art of Pet Parenthood*, which I wrote after the death of my beloved 19-year-old canine daughter:
“What I learned was this: there is only one thing to say, in my opinion, when someone loses someone they love and that is, “I am so sorry. I love you and want to help. Tell me what needs doing that you can’t handle right now.” That, and like all the grief books say, be there to listen. If they want to tell you the death story forty times, let them. That’s how you can be there for them and support their healing. That’s how I knew I must be there for my friends in the future when they lost someone. I wondered why we aren’t taught about grieving in school, why as adults, we still don’t know how to deal with it or behave with others who are dealing with it. Death’s loss, the one thing we know for certain we must face, and yet most of us are clueless when it comes to helping each other through its devastating wake.” ©2008 Nadine M. Rosin/Wheatmark Publishing
*available at all online book retailers
Hi Ming,
Thanks for leaving your comment. The more we can talk about this, the easier it becomes and the less fear and denial we have surrounding this subject.
Harmony,
Janet
Hi Nadine,
Thanks for stopping by and leaving your comment. You have given jewels to help those who are grieving the loss of a pet. Your book is an excellent resource on this matter!
Harmony,
Janet