Pets and Grief

Many of you know that last Friday, I put my 16-year-old perpetual puppy Teddy down.  The end came very quickly, a mass was found in his abdomen in the middle of September and, two weeks later, it was time to let him go.

He was literally running around, barking, dancing and being his normal Teddy self up to the last 24 hours.  He went peacefully at his vet’s office, surrounded by me, his two favorite vet techs and his two vets.  The vet who gave Teddy the final shot is the one Teddy so joyously sprayed with his anal glands.  That seemed only right.

The past few days have been different, to say the least, without Teddy around.  I am learning to integrate his death and his absence into my life, a little bit each day.

All of us deal differently with grief.  Normal reactions to grief can include shock, numbness, ignoring it, anger, depression and even laughter.  I think it is important for all of us to be aware of how we each deal with grief.

I personally deal with grief through what I call the “crash and cry” method.  Beginning the morning when I saw Teddy’s body give way, I knew I would be spending a lot of time crying.  I gave myself permission to cry whenever and for as long as I needed, and also to let anything else go by the wayside.

I cried while driving him to the vet and as his vet tech had to carry him out of the car into the building.  I had brought his blanket with us to the vet, and I cried as I carried that in.

While we were gathered around him waiting for the calming shot to take affect, we were all crying.  We started telling Teddy stories and then we were laughing and crying.  The vet gave Teddy a treat; Teddy couldn’t eat it, but he put his little chin over it and growled at me when I started to remove it.  We laughed at that.

I cried on the way home.  In the house I saw the gate that kept Teddy from getting into the kitty litter.  I crashed and cried on that one, curling up on the couch and letting the tears and sorrow roll.

The next day Emmie happened to stand in Teddy’s place in the car.  That was another crash and cry episode.  I had to pull over to gather my wits before I could continue driving.

At some point in the past few days I had a meltdown because I couldn’t find my keys.  I was holding them in my hand.  That was a crash, cry, laugh kind of meltdown.

When we experience a death of a beloved one, our grief is a way to help us integrate that death into our lives.  We do not forget the loved one, but we learn to live a new life without the loved one.

Our grief is also a way to honor the loved one and their passing.  We honor all momentous occasions in life, and death is no different.  As we honor the loved one, we begin to remember their true self, their true essence.  This brings emotional and spiritual healing to us.

The other day as I was contemplating Teddy’s death, this thought came to me: With Teddy gone, I keep seeing spirals, reminding me of the wheel of life.  My critters and I continue to move in this way we always have, Teddy is moving on the wheel of life in a different place.  We are still all on the wheel of life.

That has been a great comfort to me.

Harmony,

Janet Roper

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